Every time I pass the little street where are your doors, I hold my breath and I have to remember that those doors are not open for me anymore even though you said they will never close for me and that I will be able to find home behind them. Always.
So funny how one word can change the meaning in such a short time. Always can transform into never so easily. Without an explanation.
You are living your life the way you used to. Like if I never became a part of it. Like if we were never living our fairytale.
The place which I fell in love with changed to a place where I fell in love. With you. And even though it wasn't connected to you before, now it is. I see us everywhere and my happy safe spot changed into a trap. Trap for my thoughts, trap for my plans, my dreams, my desires.
I am trying to find the spirit which left together with our love, our dreams, our future. And I am failing so hard it tears me apart every time I breathe.
I tried to come back and overcome the heartache, but it seems impossible. It is not helping. It is making everything worse. But I also kind of cannot stop.
It is like a flagellation act. An attempt to feel something and step out of the weird phase I am in. The one where I don't feel anything. Numb moments. Numb life.
Trying to get out of it but not too hard because it would mean saying goodbye to the memories of us. To us.
Love is brutal.
One moment it enables you to fly,
the second it wrenches your viscera out.
I know I will be able to get out of this slump. I will survive. But these scars will heal a long time. And maybe these wounds will never cure.
Hitting the rock bottom hurts,
but remeber you can only
go up from there.
You cannot control what happens in your life.
But you are in control of how you will react.
Remeber that.
You are in control of how you will react!
You will rise higher,
you will be stronger.
You will learn
and you will shine.
I know it,
you know it.
Let it sink in
and trust.
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