I am DONE with you!!!!
Today we should have called. I took a day off from work, I didn't sign up for any shift just ot be able to speak to you. And what happened - surprise, surprise. You were in a bad mood to call and you didn't even bother to charge your fucking phone. Again!!
You scratched our call because you were not feeling 100% happy and it would not be a nice conversation - your words. I am so fed up!! This is typicall you. Everything always about you. Everybody else than me. And maybe then, as a last option - me. You are saying how much you still love me and miss me.
LIAR!
You even deleted the last bit of me from your days - Bohyně. And I know this is silly but let me tell you something - every single one of your exes has the priviledge to be part of your vivid past by photos and writing - on your blog, instagram, facebook. Tha places where you present yourself and your thoughts. And do you know what? I am not there. I don't and I didn't exist in your life. Ever. Fully. Partialy. I have never been there.
You never considered me as that. And now I know there is no way back. You just showed me today how you really are. You cannot be bothered with me. You are saying how much you love me and how hard it is for you to function without me.
But you are a fucking liar. Coward who never took me or us seriously. You might have tried to convince both of us, but you never fully went for us.
And I am so angry to myself that I let you do this to me. To hurt me so much. To break my heart over and over. I was willing to change, to give up on my beliefs, my dreams and my standards. You even ruined my health and I never said anything. I never shouted at you, I never fully argued with you. I let you abuse me with your toxicity, your vague words, accusations about my thoughts and actions. You always played the role of victim, the poor guy who is not understood by others. And you enjoyed being pampered by me. But when I needed you the most when my life was falling apart you quit. You did not even bother to try something. You knew for over a month that something was wrong but you never told me and you didn't even fly to me trying to fix it even though you promised that.
I didn't trust you and now I see I was right.
And I know one thing. I could have done things better, maybe it would help for a moment. But this is for sure your fault. You tried to put it on me. On my jealousy. But no!
This is your fault. You have to take responsibility for your decision. You tried to put it on me and I actually accepted it. But I shouldn't.
It was a wrong decision.
You did a mistake.
You pushed me to the edge. And I will never forget about that. I am forgiving you, because of myself - I don't want to hold those bad emotions. But I will not forget it all, as you did already.
It was your mistake.
Your WRONG decision.
...but I still love you.
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