Rebirth of myself

I have been walking through this lifetime with my head bended down for a long time. Then I said no, no more! And I started to become aware of my surroundings, people in my life, possibilities within my reach and I became aware of myself.
It wasn't a quick and easy change. It was a tiring process with a lot of ups and downs. With a huge amount of discipline held in order to become the best version of myself. I lived through many dark moments of my life but I decided to learn from them and transform them into blessings. Blessings to me, to people around me, to the world, to the future.
And I reached the highest spot I could by that time. I was loving life and I was super strong. The strongest I have ever been. And I found people who understood me and who supported me. One in particular. The special one. The one who I would not mind going through fire with. The one who I wished to have in my life for every day since we fell in love, actually even before, since the moment I fell in love. And this person is now gone.
I let my fears and prejudices to destroy the most precious relationship I have had. Friendship, partnership, consonance, love...

I don't know if I will ever forgive myself for hurting that person by my actions and thoughts. But I want to learn from it. I want to prove to myself that I appreciate those challenges and I will do everything possible to avoid this happenign ever again.
I want to start loving myslef again. Loving the only person who will go through life with me since the first moment till the complete end. And I want to help this person to become the best version of herself. Even better than she used to be before.

I need to learn from my mistakes and I have to dive deeper to myself, to my inner space which is not a nice place. It is a dark and scary place filled with all the bad accumulated from past experiences. But there is also light, tiny strikes of hope. And I want to change this dark dumpster into an airy and light comfortable room. Which I will, I know that. But I would also like to remind myself of the journey and that is why all of this is here. Why everything I will share will be here. Because I believe that sharing is the true essence of life.

Sharing our life, our experiences, our time, our love.