Second to last day here on the island for now. I don't know how I feel about that. I am nervous. Super nervous actually. I am torned between two versions of my future. One of them contains you and the other one does not. I thought it will for sure be the one with you but yesterday I had a conversation with Helen and she told me few things which I am concerned about. One of them being the fact that this is it, that she doesn't see any future for the two of us together. And that by the time I move back to Puigpunyent, you will be already gone. I cannot help myself but hesitate if my own feeling was wrong and I am starting to think this might really be the end, the end of us, in this lifetime.
But then I thought about the fact that she might be wrong because she sees her life with her eyes and even though she is experienced and connected to something higher, that does not give her the right or probability of being right all the time. Maybe this is just a test for me. Test of how dedicated and convinced I am. How much do I trust and how strong my will is.
I started meditating yesterday and I am determined to keep it as long as possible. It should have helped me to detach from you but today I got a message from you. Obviously you are getting rid of everything what would remind you of me. I hope you will keep the guitar, partly because it would remind you of me, so I would not be gone from your life completely and partly (mostly) because you should keep doing music. You should not stop with something what is such a big part of your life and I hope you will keep playing.
Now I need to find a way how to give you the letter you asked for. I want to see you but most likely I should not. I need to give you space. And I need to give space to myself. I (don't) want to appear at your door.
I need to keep telling myself that what is ment to be, will happen and I cannot change what is not. I cannot push and I should not push anything. It would not help with anything and it would do more bad than good.
I need to let go. Let (you) go.
Maybe we,
just found forever
at the wrong time,
and someday time
will pull us back
together again.
(faraway)
I still believe
there's a right time
for everything,
even us.
(faraway)
Žádné komentáře:
Okomentovat