I wasn't able to write. After seeing you my head has been a complete mess. It has been hard to stop thinking about you, us and our last conversation. Last for now. I know that this is not the end. I am not sure if you feel the same way or not, but I believe in us having future. Maybe I am wrong but something in me is telling me that I am right. There is more to us and I hope that you will be able to see it too. This is way bigger than just attraction or love. Our souls are connected on a higher level.
You told me that you want to have me in your life and I know that the only way how I can do that would be as a more than friend. You also told me that you need more time. Time to heal. I hope that you will be able to heal and forgive me. And that you will be able to open your heart to mine. I respect that you need time and I will use this time for myself. I need to work on myself, my perception on life and I need to find myself again. I lost myself and I forgot everything I have discovered when I was on the island the last time. I have been weak and I was listening to other people instead of myself. They thought whatever they are saying is for my good and they didn't have bad intensions, but the outcome wasn't good for me.
We are influenced by the people who are the closest to us. By the people who are part of our daily and their opinions slowly become ours too. It is hard to resist the influence.
And I know I need change in this sense. I have amazing people around me, but their values and aspirations are way different than mine. And I think this has been your case too. When we are not careful people can project their own desires to us and we can slowly take them as ours. Those people are slowly draging us down instead of lifting us up. I know we used to have the lifting influence on each other and we were surrounding ourselves with like-minded people. But then everything went down the shithole. I think neither of us was strong enough to stand for our plans and values. Yes, even though you are one of the strongest people I know, you let others including me to drag you down.
I am sorry for that. I truly am!
I just hope you will realize what impact people around you are having on you and that you will create boarders which are necessary and which will keep you on the right track because there are big things ahead of you and I hope you will be able to reach all of them. Because they are all amazing and special - the same way as you are. And I hope our world will have a chance to see and experience what you are capable of.
Don't let anybody stop you and listen to yourself, to your own heart, your gut, your soul.
Now I need to let you go. It is hard as fuck but I have to let go all what has been wrong and I can only hope for the good. I will be working as hard and as much as I can on becoming the best version of myself. To be ready for everything what is coming my way. And I hope one day we will become even stronger version of us together than we used to be.
I trust in you. I trust in me. I trust in us. Together.
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