I had an interesting conversation with my best friend's mum and she mentioned something I would like to remember. "Behave in front of your kids and towards your kids the way how you want them to behave in the future." As simple as it sounds yet not so common. I hope one day I will be able to give a good example to my own kids.
I have visited my grandparents today and I had hard moments when looking how fast life can disappear from your body and mind and how scary it is to see the people you loved and love change, adults becoming kids. And you cannot do anything about that and you know it will not become better. It tears my heart apart but it also helps me to find the power and strenght which is needed to help. To help them and my dad.
I am reflecting a lot and I am slowly realizing I have been pretty selfish and even though there is nothing wrong with focusing on myself, I know there is more I have to do. Not because it is expected or required, but because if I don't do at least the minimum I can, I would regret it. Time flies fast and we only have one chance to live these exact moments.
I was super anxious after the visit at my grandparent's place that I had to go for a drive. I drove around and through the villages nearby and I have been in some of them for the first time. It was a weird feeling not knowing my own home but at the same time quite terrifying feeling when I imagined myself living here and not being able to explore the world. Like if I would be tied down here without a chance to escape...
I also received my tarot cards and I did first ever reading. And I believe there is a lot of truth and I am not exactly sure what they mean and represent, but I feel that all of this is a huge sign. Sign for me that I am on the right path. The path of becoming better person, better version of myself. Becoming self-aware and conscious. Becoming true me!
I hope you are doing good. I hope that you are happy even though it kind of tears me apart as I see you disappearing from my life and me from yours. But I know we will see each other. So I am more observing this rather than stressing about it.
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